The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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