I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
