Nicole vs. Life
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
