don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
