we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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