hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
