also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
