I faked an abortion last night.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My penis needs a shock collar
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
