Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
