so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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