I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
