I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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