Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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