I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
