I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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