new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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