It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
