We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
