i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
