I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
