i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I believe in your delicious
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
