I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
