Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she smelled like a LAN party
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
