Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
