I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
