I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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