omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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