FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
