My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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