Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
high people should be assigned attendants
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
