She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Randomize
