porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
