I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
