Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
