Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
