my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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