Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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