It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
