Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
