I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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