Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I am one with the molecules
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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