dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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