I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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