I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Someone came in the potted fern
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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