It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Congratulations! We have a period
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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