Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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