even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
