Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
