winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
