Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
