so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
