i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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