I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
