Swine flu. Run for my life!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
